Once again, I am going through that phase where I want to do too many things at the same time and end up doing nothing. It's frustrating and the world where we are trained to think and behave in a linear way, it's not the right way to be. We have so many concepts about right and wrong that it's almost like an insurance for an internal war. The war that we fight with ourselves. All the time. Accusing ourselves or others, defending, resisting, arguing, winning or losing debates and so on. That's why we hate to be alone or with someone who triggers these situations. Yet we pray and hope for peace. It's impossible to have peace without dumping these ideas about right and wrong.
My Guru says," Right is obviously right but wrong is also right. Left is also right."
It's very difficult to understand this by a victim mindset where we see ourselves as powerless, insignificant creatures left on the mercy of some higher power. But nobody is to be blamed for we carry this belief system in our DNA thanks to our history of suffering. No matter what country, culture or community we are born into, all we have in common is the fear of loss. It can be traced back to the cave man perhaps. But the true wisdom is in knowing that we are not that incapable afterall. That's what the transformation is all about. Not just attaining enlightenment by following some strict rituals but rather solving the mystery of life and in fact taking charge of it. Not just transforming ourselves into something but transforming the world around us in more effective way.
We all want change but nobody wants to change. We have heard this a lot. But is it really that easy to even recognise that it's us who needs to change? When we are stuck with one perspective and are convinced that it's the only right one, it's almost impossible to change ourselves. Because obviously we don't see our fault. It's only when life puts us in some extreme situations, where our belief system or perspective is challenged, do we realise what the other perspective is. In that sense all adversities should be seen as a wonderful opportunity to grow as a person. Thankfully my life put me into a lot of them and I can't be enough greatful for that.
I was a rebel or an activist by nature who was not ready to comply with the existing situation of the world around me. Whether it was my family, workplace or even the streets i walked in. I had a problem with everything and I wanted to change it. As a lover of beauty and harmony, I couldn't stand any sort of ugliness in the existing systems or our behaviours. I fought with people, situations and myself only to realise that it had a toll on my health. Now I had become the very thing I resisted for so long and there was no way to get rid of myself. I did commit a suicide after all but that was the best thing I have ever done for myself.
I killed the image of me. The very idea of being myself. My obsession with this woman that I wanted to become was killing me so I killed her instead. It was the worst and the best battle I've fought with myself. For it brought forth that innocent, loving being which I never realised existed within me. I unmasked myself so many times only to realise how many faces have suffocated this being. And it's not over yet. For it was just yesterday that I spent hours in recreating and strengthening one of those images I was so obsessed with.
'संसार ': the eternal cycle of suffering
The obsession of creating something my way is so narcissistic that it can only break so many hearts and end up dying with starvation. Where as the joy of giving and letting go is so fulfilling that happiness just becomes the state of being. We spend all our present in building a perfect future which never turns the exact way and yet here we are creating more and more memories.
"Karma is nothing else but memory' says Sadhguru
What we fail to realise is that not just our actions but the memory we carry within our bodies in form of our dna, and in fact every cell is creating the story of our life. There is a sophisticated programming inscribed in our memory which is creating this holographic reality that we experience only because of this body. All that we see, touch, smell, taste is through our bodies. Therefore we experience this world within ourselves.
And everyone has a unique programming. So we live in different worlds yet in the same world where we have collectively contributed to create yet another reality that we experience together. How can we then blame only someone or something for that we perceive as a problem. We have contribution in creating every single thing that we experience around us. I know it's too much to digest. Even I am trying to digest this fact since some time now. And yet every now then I forget my role in this creation as one of the architects who agreed to this.
अहम् ब्रह्मास्मि : I am the creator
Mostly misunderstood, all that it means is that I am the creator of this reality that I live in. I am responsible. There is no need to feel proud or guilty for creating whatever we have created but to know that this game is on and our job of creation is not done yet. If we do see anything that is not working or infact creating problems, we have the power of change it. Reprogramme it. Improve it. Spirituality is all about learning to reprogramme ourselves. Because by changing ourselves this way, we are changing the world. We are solving the problem. We are doing our job as architects. Otherwise we are just wasting our potential in exploring our creation unconsciously. We are missing the true fun of playing with awareness and co creating together a world we truly want to live in. I hope on the occasion of coming full moon day and Lunar Eclipse (on 6th Spet 2016) which offers us yet another opportunity to realise all that no longer serves us. I pray and hope that my friends will awaken with me to co create a beautiful world for ourselves.
ॐ Amen
